Vaati, The Wonderful Babysitter
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: In which Vaati is the best babysitter. Ever. Oneshot.


**Another random story. Vio, do my disclaimer!**

**Vio: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda. If she did, she wouldn't be writing this as fan fiction; it would be canon. **

**And so it would. Enjoy and review, please!**

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Vaati was many things. He was a Minish-turned-Hylian. He was the Wind Mage. He was, once upon a time, an evil sorcerer that had nearly taken over Hyrule. Three times. Heck, for two of those evil reigns he was even a giant, demonic eyeball! Granted, he was reformed now, but that wasn't the point. The point was, Vaati was powerful. Important. He deserved respect.

So, why was it that Princess Zelda and Link had insisted on asking Vaati to babysit their children?

And why had he agreed?

Here he was, the all-powerful Wind Mage, stuck watching the spawn (_excuse him_, children) of the Princess and the Hero. Like some… ordinary person. Perish the thought!

And the worst thing about this? The kids were _way_ too much like Link. In fact, they were miniature copies of the Links that the previous Hero had split into, when he'd faced Vaati with the Four Sword. The Red Link, the Blue Link, and the Purple Link. And they had the exact same personalities as their past selves, which only made things freakier. And not only that, these… _children_ were complete brats! They were so demanding, expecting Vaati to pay attention to them every second! They wouldn't leave him alone!

A red blur suddenly shot into what Vaati had thought was a good hiding place. "Vaaaattiiiiii!"

Vaati winced at the high pitched voice. _Oh Din, he's found me. And where there is one, more are sure to follow._

Sure enough, two more high pitched shrieks of "VAAAAATTTTTTIIIIIII!" shattered Vaati's ear drums.

Vaati sighed. He supposed he'd better find out what was wrong. "What _now?_"

"Blue is picking on me!" the red boy cried. Oh yes. As hard as it was to believe, Link and Zelda had actually given their kids the same names as their past selves. It. Was. So. Annoying!

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Zip it!" Vaati interrupted. _Wonderful, now I have to break up another fight. This is their 5__th__ fight, and I haven't even been here for 2 hours. Why me?_ "Now, what in Hyrule are you two fighting about now?!"

"…"

"Well?"

"...We just wanted to annoy you," Blue said cheerfully.

There was silence.

Vio took one look at Vaati's face and rushed off, muttering something about "going to find a book". Blue and Red started to edge out of the room, but Vaati blocked them.

"Oh, really?" Vaati said. Well, then. Looks like Link and Zelda were going to come home to some lovely new statues. Perhaps they'd be upset about that, but in Vaati's opinion, statues would be a big improvement to this brats.

And that night may have very well ended in complete disaster if not for the sudden arrival of Link and Zelda's single daughter. Oh, Vaati had forgotten to mention that. Zelda and Link did indeed have a daughter who, up until now, had been wise enough to stay out of Vaati's way.

The little girl went right up to Vaati and stared at his long, shiny lavender hair. Memorized.

And then it happened. "I want to braid your hair."

Vaati was so startled, he forgot that he wanted to turn the kids into stone. "You want to _what?_"

"Braid your hair." She made it sound as if that were the most reasonable request ever.

Oh no. There was no way that little girl was going to touch Vaati's precious hair with her grimy little hands.

Vaati snorted. "I wouldn't let you touch my hair if the three golden goddesses came down and begged me."

Immediately, Vaati knew something was wrong. Blue and Red exchanged nervous glances and started to back away.

"What is wrong with you two?" Vaati snapped.

"You shouldn't have done that," Blue said. "If she wants to play with your hair, you'd better let her. If you want to keep your hearing, that is."

Vaati glanced at the girl. She looked perfectly calm. "What in the blazes are you-?"

Vaati was interrupted by the most horrific scream he'd ever heard.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I WANT TO BRAID YOUR HAIR! I WANT TO BRAID IT NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

And so it went on, the screams getting louder and louder. Blue and Red had shot out of the room, covering their ears. Vaati of course had covered his ears as well, but the shrieking still caused physical pain to his ear drums.

Panicking, and forgetting he could use magic and stop her screaming, Vaati gave in. "OKAY! OKAY! YOU CAN BRAID MY HAIR! JUST STOP SCREAMING!"

Instantly, the little girl stopped. Beaming, she skipped over to Vaati, took his hand, and dragged him out of the room. Vaati swallowed, dreading what was about to happen to his beautiful hair.

…

Despair. Vaati was in despair. His wonderful hair, his beautiful, lovely hair was _ruined. _Not satisfied with just one giant braid, the girl had decided to give him two pigtail braids instead. And she had added ribbons and weaved flowers into it. Red and Blue were for once well-behaved, preferring to snicker over Vaati's hair, rather than cause chaos. Vio pretended to be absorbed in his book, but Vaati could hear his giggles. There was no doubt about it. Vaati's hair was a fashion disaster.

Vaati groaned. Even the goddesses up in the heaves must be laughing! Oh what had Vaati done to deserve this! At least- at least nothing could be worse than this.

And then Ganondorf suddenly burst into the room, shrieking, "At last I have returned, Hero! And now, you shall meet your-!" He broke off, staring at the scene before him.

Ganondorf slowly started to smile, as Vaati stared at him in horror.

He would never hear the end of this.

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**Yes, the kids were complete brats, but I figured the brattier they were, the more torturous it would be for Vaati. Expect more Ganondorf in future fics; I seem to be getting fond of writing about him.**


End file.
